Olena Nabokova: War cannot be ignored

In Ukraine, the concept of "peace making" is mostly associated with "blue helmets", while it includes two large focus areas: peace building and peacekeeping. At the stage of peace building, all possible resources are used, because the conflict is not only about military operations, but also about seemingly peaceful social processes and situations, such as non-violent communication, non-traumatic interaction in the civic sector, the ability to listen and hear - in short, all that the laborious process of creating and activating civil society in Ukraine requires.

"Crisis prevention and Peace building in Ukraine – Time to Act! project, which has been implemented by the "Regional Youth Association" organization under the sponsorship of the Institut für Auslandsbeziehungen (IFA) using the German Federal Foreign Office resources since 2017, is aimed precisely at building peace in Ukraine. Amongst other things, the project includes two training-courses on reconciliation, conflict management and inclusion in local communities. There participants acquire knowledge and skills that will help them in analysing the essence of the conflict and its actors. The first training course, implemented in Kramatorsk, was attended by civic-minded eastern Ukraine residents, who were focused on resolving/preventing internal conflicts in their communities, by representatives of civic organizations and internally displaced persons (IDPs). Now it’s the participants’ turn to implement one-day seminars in their communities.

In her interview for "Chornomorka", Olena Nabokova, one of the trainers involved in conducting the training courses, talks about how both modules was held, what results had been achieved, and shares her thoughts on why the conflict could sometimes become a resource. Olena says about herself, "I have worked as an economist and a teacher for many years; I am a president of "Ukrainian Women" NGO, a business coach. I am extremely empathetic towards people who found themselves in difficult life situations. Besides that, I am a wife and mother of a large family, too. It’s very important for me to say this, to articulate that I have someone to rely upon. It seems to me that to have someone behind is important for each and every one of us."

What does conflict management mean to you?

I have a good sense of the topic of conflicts, and I am concerned that there appear as many tolerant, intelligent, literate people able to work in conflict situations as possible in our society. I stand for reducing the degree of tension in Ukrainian society, and especially in the eastern part of Ukraine.

The training was actually attended by the residents of the east of Ukraine. What did you, as a trainer, want to convey to them, and with what outcomes have they left, in your opinion?

For me personally, this project is a great opportunity to implement my training skills while working with a very diverse audience, with concerned people, to convey information and tools that can help in dealing with conflicts. Today, there is not much content dedicated to simple and understandable tools for every person. Negotiations, moderation, mediation are the coolest things, but they still require special training. As well as manuals for an ordinary person (tentatively speaking), whether that be a teacher, a representative of government agency, a trainer, anyone, on how to work simply and clearly, with implication, respecting personal boundaries, with an understanding of how actually, in a non-traumatic way, to convey a thought to a person with an opposite point of view – there is not much information about all this for some reason. It is not so easy to find on your own, both on the Internet and in specialized publications.

It is good to have organizations that are now working in these areas, and particularly with this project. Because there is a demand from the audience, from the people of different ages who work in different fields and who gave me I a lot of feedback during the trainings about the fact that there is basically no such information, although that is really necessary. There is still a need for elaboration and clarification. During the trainings, many people said that the information was new for them; they heard it for the first time.

Thanks to an interesting and diverse group, thanks to internal communication, we had some insights during the training. It’s worth mentioning that this work was not a lecture, but such a wonderful format, when, through synergizing the experience of the group members, you can get something new.

What specific conflict management tools did you, as a trainer, share with the participants? How can they help in understanding the term "peace building"?

We talked both about fairly simple things and the complex ones. We talked about how these things could be applied, starting with your own family, and ending with global processes. Specific tools and techniques for conflict analysis were dwelled upon in some detail. Conflict analysis methods exist specifically for this, because without analysis it is not clear what to do with all this. It is the techniques that give the conflicting parties an opportunity to look at each other's needs, interests, and positions.

Besides, a lot was said about how to use the self-regulation possibilities in a conflict, about the emotional component, the ability to listen and hear another person. A block has been devoted to non-violent communication, as a necessary component of dialogues, because now there is a lot of violence in the world, including psychological violence. Today, in people’s opinions, conversations and actions authoritarianism, coercion, and pressure are often found. Therefore, it seems to me that we managed to convey the idea that it is necessary to use such a tool as non-violent communication to the participants of the trainings.

Several participants shared that between the two modules of the training course they already managed to put into practice some of the tools that the trainers taught them.

That's right. Feedback has already been received. I appreciate it and, like a normal person, I have warm feelings for the fact that our participants who work with children immediately began to put their knowledge into practice. Which is of great importance, because, as it seems to me, what we invest in our children in these hard times cannot be underestimated.

The training was implemented in Kramatorsk. The city has been under occupation, has been under shelling, and knows first-hand what violence is. Now, despite the apparent, exterior quietness, the city remains in the militarized zone, since the territory of the Joint Forces Operation are entire Donetsk and Luhansk regions. Has the war been specifically talked about at the training, and did you feel that you were all in the area of the Operation?

First, let me tell you of my personal impressions. Speaking of myself, it was my first visit to Kramatorsk, although recently I have been working in Luhansk and Donetsk regions quite a lot. That is, I know what I am talking about. I was struck by Kramatorsk, it is bright and crowded, well-disposed people and their smiles caught my eyes.

On the war… The tongue ever turns to the aching tooth, and it is only natural that the participants shared their personal experiences and personal cases, and these cases were far from painless. It is also living through the topic of conflict management by immersion in your own unique experience.

One of the participants told that one day in Kramatorsk an air-raid warning sounded. How did the group react?

In the afternoon, during one of the trainings, we heard an air-raid warning through an open window. The mood of the audience has instantly changed. I’m talking about my personal observations. Despite the fact that the trainers set the task of rallying the group all the time, that the word "unite" was uttered countless times, I saw how the air-raid warning has divided people, depending on traumatic experience of each of them. This anxiety… it hung in the air during coworking, although until that moment the audience had a really inviting, friendly atmosphere, the participants showed mutual understanding and support.

The air-raid warning painfully reflected in people’s eyes. The slightest reminder of the war causes a sudden surge of anxiety. You’ll have to live with this, there’s no escaping so far, and you won’t work it through in five days. Given the emotional state of the participants, we paused the process and talked about what was happening, because it was very important. It was necessary to tell the people who have experienced anxiety that we were with them, that we noticed it, we see, we are talking. It is important to keep in mind that leaving a person alone with his/her own fears is generally a poor plan. It is impossible to take no account of the war, the war cannot be ignored. You cannot brush aside what we live in, we should not say to people, "Stay with it," and move on. If we are building a society where everybody hears each other, we must understand the human needs. His/her needs, fears, maybe worries.

During the training, we dag quite deep on what the context is; that human attitudes can vary significantly depending on the context. And the context of the war for sure leaves an imprint on what topic we are currently working on. This is one of the most important and powerful factors that affect the way we now interact with the audience.

What does "conflict resolution" mean to you?

This is no stepping over, no jumping over a person, no defending one’s own personal boundaries. To see conflict as a resource is to understand that without hearing the opponent’s view, it’s difficult to come to something bigger and better. This is about an ability to listen and hear a person, about an ability to analyse, draw conclusions. It would be nice to think about involving a specialist or a third party. This is about the fact that we have to live in this country together - today, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. This is about us transferring our knowledge and our skills to survive in this situation to our children. And this is surely about how to embark on positive path without destroying your own self, without destroying your own personality. This, if you please, is about love in the broadest sense.

What lessons have you learned for yourself?

It has been an amazing experience, for which I am grateful to the organizers. When you address such a topic, you realize that it won’t be simple, so it’s a little scary. At the very first module, I told participants that I am a lifeguard deep inside, I like to hug people, and if it gets too difficult for someone and there is such a request, here I am. I know first-hand that there are people who need support at the stage of handling their own experience in complex topics. Well, the fact that participants took advantage of my proposal gives rise to a suggestion that each of them elaborated the topic quite deeply. I am glad that we were not just "talking heads" at this training, but also human beings, personalities.

This is the main thing about the conflict resolution: it is important in any situation to demonstrate that you remain an empathic, thinking person, ready for interaction, it is important to demonstrate that you have to be not only professional, but also to preserve your personality. It is valuable not only to convey a message, but also the promise of calm, kindness and empathy for people who work in this complex topic. All that I said today is just my opinion. There may be others.

Interviewed by Maryna Kuraptseva, independent journalist